For Stew (probably the only person who knows the meaning behind the title) xx
1. Park your beloved car and leave overnight.
2. Stir from sleep by stranger at your door.
3. Listen through bleary, beer eyes how stranger has mixed herself up with a real driver and reversed into your very obvious car by "accident".
4. Approach beloved car with trepidation...turn and eyeball said "driver".
5. Consider the 'Salford handshake' to be given liberally to stranger. Report accident, make claim then wait..... and wait and wait....
6. Unable to cope with driving the worlds worst courtesy car (Toyota Corolla) order that your car be returned-damaged or not.
7. Notice that somebody (prob a woman "driver") has scratched bumper on courtesy car.
8. Halfords. Chip repair kit in Lucerne Silver 2.
9. Realise that your not part of West Coast Customs Team and you're wank at spray jobs.
10. Stand back and admire your shit attempt....Say - "It looks like somebody came all over the car in silver".........................The Man With The Silver Cum......
Monday, 25 June 2007
Thursday, 14 June 2007
The Tower of Cotton Wool........
We just seem to be arguing about absolutely everything now.....I'm quick tempered with Mrs Doubtfire these days. When I moved back into the house we bought together - as a single entity - not together- I had it sussed. Don't engage in conversation with him. Don't rise to his unreasonable behaviour and try hard not to stoop to name calling.
I have the patience of a 3yr old child building a tower with cotton wool balls....Its been a challenge and I'm surprised that I have managed to last in a relatively calm state this long. I have ticked all the above mentioned no nos. Conversations taken place? About 5/6 - tick. And the outcome? Arguing - so tick. Lost my temper due to his unreasonable demands and behaviour? Tick. Outcome? Name calling. So tick again.
The rows involve Mrs Doubtfire tearing into my choices - how I choose to eat, what I choose to listen to and watch, how I drive, talk, choose to wash and dry my laundry, choose to raise my wonderful son.....and on and on ariston. I can't remember most of the one-sided rows (he begins and ends an argument I just fill the middle bit in until I see him squirming with the look of defeat and then retreat with self-pride). I have selective hearing where Mrs D is concerned. I think maybe if I had found this talent and applied it before we had split maybe we wouldn't have ended... then I realise that my hands are tensed and my jaw clenched at the very thought of us still being together. Dread is the word I think heh he......
We are total opposites in every conceivable way. Not a cue for I say TOMaTO you say tomAto!!! I am outgoing, confident and outspoken. He is insular, insecure and quiet. I am quick-witted, sarcastic and dry. He is a knock-knock joker, slow on the uptake and slapstick. I am sociable, friendly and attention loving. He is highly unsociable, meek and shy. I am willing to learn and take advice, humbled by certain things and in awe of others. He is a know-it-all, conceited and cock-sure. I am positive, I like to boost and compliment those who feel less than others and I am a believer in seeing is doing. He is negative, puts people down - draining the soul from the good and the lively and he has no vision. I am genuine, honest as much as I can be and I realise my weaknesses. He is false - shows the side he thinks will improve his status and the side which keeps him "the nice guy", he lies frequently and badly and he believes he is better, stronger, more talented, more knowledgeable and so much more highly accomplished. Chalk and cheese? No. The difference is still not defined enough....A flea and an elephant, no not enough.
I'm me and I'm happy to be whatever I am today.
He is not him...he is his mother's son, he is the suspected homosexual, he is not even a half of what he portrays himself to believe and the sad thing is he knows this. He has no idea of who he is. Is this is why he picks, pokes, prods, pulls apart, rips into me and at times my amazing son? He tries to reduce others to how he really feels inside about himself. I have known this man for 6yrs now and I see more of him than he sees of himself. I'm not judging Mrs Doubtfire. I can't. you cannot judge a soul you know, you have an insight to, or somebody you have shared intimacies with. But there are indicators and incidents, experiences and emotions that lead you to an undeniable truth about somebody you have had close relationships with. There can only be so many lies told to point to a truth being covered and coveted. I do think there are issues involving this man and his choice of life...I'm not privy to this - he will come forward when he is ready. And hey! don't get me wrong...I'm a vicious mouthed, scathing woman when required and can quite easily reduce this man of perfection to tears whenever I feel like. I don't sit on the fence, am very liberal with cursing and the turning of the screw..and sometimes I take delight in watching Mr ICANDONOTHINGWRONG shrivel and simper as he realises he has taken on too much with me again and he can't handle the situation he pushed for. I'm no shrinking violet but I have played fair and fair and fair (hes the square) but it seems a path I'm unable to stray from at the moment - the path of Mrs D's annoyance, irritation and general tomfoolery to just simply wind him up......Until Mrs D decides his life choice and realises..releases and feels he is WHO he is I'm party to a life full of complaining, whingeing, obsessive behaviour, routines and tight schedules, always having a piss before he leaves the house like his mother taught him, constant checking of rules being followed and adhered to plans of action. Jealous rants involving my relationship to my son, comments meant to break a person down, remarks muttered just out of earshot about my personal appearance or weight, refusal to compliment or even congratulate, no recognition of other's successes, the taking of credit at every possible opportunity, he will continue to live the life of a hermit crab all the time trying to sanction myself and my son for not doing or wanting the same, he will constantly push and pull for the strict unmovable routine of his life to be played out to mine and my son's, he will always put his mother first and possess a strange respect for a woman who has none for him (smothering and cotton wool covering, denial of chocolate until you are an adult and making your newborn through to adult-hood son drink tea, denying him of friends because "nobody in this village is good enough for my son", constant stroking of the head, telling the girlfriend on the first meeting - "You won't ever stop me from giving him hugs and kisses" and the tightening of the apron strings when crying and upset instead of finding comfort with your husband as you do and not your son is abuse of sorts)....all this and more. I am strong, I am able and I am a big glass half FULL. Mrs D - you will never bring me down but hey! its fun to watch you trying!!!!
I have the patience of a 3yr old child building a tower with cotton wool balls....Its been a challenge and I'm surprised that I have managed to last in a relatively calm state this long. I have ticked all the above mentioned no nos. Conversations taken place? About 5/6 - tick. And the outcome? Arguing - so tick. Lost my temper due to his unreasonable demands and behaviour? Tick. Outcome? Name calling. So tick again.
The rows involve Mrs Doubtfire tearing into my choices - how I choose to eat, what I choose to listen to and watch, how I drive, talk, choose to wash and dry my laundry, choose to raise my wonderful son.....and on and on ariston. I can't remember most of the one-sided rows (he begins and ends an argument I just fill the middle bit in until I see him squirming with the look of defeat and then retreat with self-pride). I have selective hearing where Mrs D is concerned. I think maybe if I had found this talent and applied it before we had split maybe we wouldn't have ended... then I realise that my hands are tensed and my jaw clenched at the very thought of us still being together. Dread is the word I think heh he......
We are total opposites in every conceivable way. Not a cue for I say TOMaTO you say tomAto!!! I am outgoing, confident and outspoken. He is insular, insecure and quiet. I am quick-witted, sarcastic and dry. He is a knock-knock joker, slow on the uptake and slapstick. I am sociable, friendly and attention loving. He is highly unsociable, meek and shy. I am willing to learn and take advice, humbled by certain things and in awe of others. He is a know-it-all, conceited and cock-sure. I am positive, I like to boost and compliment those who feel less than others and I am a believer in seeing is doing. He is negative, puts people down - draining the soul from the good and the lively and he has no vision. I am genuine, honest as much as I can be and I realise my weaknesses. He is false - shows the side he thinks will improve his status and the side which keeps him "the nice guy", he lies frequently and badly and he believes he is better, stronger, more talented, more knowledgeable and so much more highly accomplished. Chalk and cheese? No. The difference is still not defined enough....A flea and an elephant, no not enough.
I'm me and I'm happy to be whatever I am today.
He is not him...he is his mother's son, he is the suspected homosexual, he is not even a half of what he portrays himself to believe and the sad thing is he knows this. He has no idea of who he is. Is this is why he picks, pokes, prods, pulls apart, rips into me and at times my amazing son? He tries to reduce others to how he really feels inside about himself. I have known this man for 6yrs now and I see more of him than he sees of himself. I'm not judging Mrs Doubtfire. I can't. you cannot judge a soul you know, you have an insight to, or somebody you have shared intimacies with. But there are indicators and incidents, experiences and emotions that lead you to an undeniable truth about somebody you have had close relationships with. There can only be so many lies told to point to a truth being covered and coveted. I do think there are issues involving this man and his choice of life...I'm not privy to this - he will come forward when he is ready. And hey! don't get me wrong...I'm a vicious mouthed, scathing woman when required and can quite easily reduce this man of perfection to tears whenever I feel like. I don't sit on the fence, am very liberal with cursing and the turning of the screw..and sometimes I take delight in watching Mr ICANDONOTHINGWRONG shrivel and simper as he realises he has taken on too much with me again and he can't handle the situation he pushed for. I'm no shrinking violet but I have played fair and fair and fair (hes the square) but it seems a path I'm unable to stray from at the moment - the path of Mrs D's annoyance, irritation and general tomfoolery to just simply wind him up......Until Mrs D decides his life choice and realises..releases and feels he is WHO he is I'm party to a life full of complaining, whingeing, obsessive behaviour, routines and tight schedules, always having a piss before he leaves the house like his mother taught him, constant checking of rules being followed and adhered to plans of action. Jealous rants involving my relationship to my son, comments meant to break a person down, remarks muttered just out of earshot about my personal appearance or weight, refusal to compliment or even congratulate, no recognition of other's successes, the taking of credit at every possible opportunity, he will continue to live the life of a hermit crab all the time trying to sanction myself and my son for not doing or wanting the same, he will constantly push and pull for the strict unmovable routine of his life to be played out to mine and my son's, he will always put his mother first and possess a strange respect for a woman who has none for him (smothering and cotton wool covering, denial of chocolate until you are an adult and making your newborn through to adult-hood son drink tea, denying him of friends because "nobody in this village is good enough for my son", constant stroking of the head, telling the girlfriend on the first meeting - "You won't ever stop me from giving him hugs and kisses" and the tightening of the apron strings when crying and upset instead of finding comfort with your husband as you do and not your son is abuse of sorts)....all this and more. I am strong, I am able and I am a big glass half FULL. Mrs D - you will never bring me down but hey! its fun to watch you trying!!!!
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